Linda’s Mistake Lumberjack Love LP

I don’t know who Linda is, but my mistake was listening to this turd of an album. Take the worst of the ’90s RAMONES-wannabe bands, strip them of any wit, charisma, or musical prowess, and that will get you in the ballpark of how excruciating and awful this is. Most of the songs revolve around a singular, repeated lyric. “You’re Wearing a Bandana,” for instance, recites the song title followed by the inquiry “What’re you doing?” over and over. Longest 39 seconds of my life. Another song is called “Too Fat for a Belt.” Insert sad trombone noise here. While the attempt at humor is obvious, the lyrics are just too dumb to actually be funny. It is hard to express the unique and supreme discomfort this album elicits, but please don’t take that as an insinuation that it’s somehow worth checking out as a morbid curiosity. With the planet rapidly becoming a hellish inferno, it’s an affront to humanity’s future that precious (or otherwise) resources were expended to bring this loathsome album into existence.