Twisted Teens Florida Water Blues LP
Folks fucking love this band. Read anything about the New Orleans duo, and you’ll find them held up next to all sorts of giants: GREG CARTWRIGHT, BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, the GUN CLUB. YellowGreenRed even asks you to imagine them as GEORGE THOROGOOD under the influence of SWELL MAPS and NEU! They’re simultaneously reviving and reinventing down-home garage rock! And I sort of get the hype. There is something undeniable in the timbre of singer Caspian Hollywell’s voice and the soul he’s able to effortlessly impart to these compositions, and Razor Ramone’s woozy pedal steel really helps tie together the dusty scene they are painting. The pair also cut quite the dashing figure on the covers of their records, each of which sticks to a simple but striking aesthetic. Dudes have nailed their branding! And when I disengage with all of this and the music on Florida Water Blues just enough—like softening my focus to let a Magic Eye poster reveal the image of hobo carrying a bindle—I can sort of buy in, maybe even think something like, “huh, neat!” The second I give it any thought, though, that illusion of depth is shattered, and the branding is kind of all that’s left. Personally, I find the whole train-hopping, Southern-fried yarn-spinner schtick corny as hell. I’ve always felt similarly about SPRINGSTEEN, so I get that comparison. But as much as I dislike his music, the Boss can write the hell out of song. With Florida Water Blues, I don’t so much have a problem with the tunes, but these lyrics—holy shit! They range from a smattering of hacky tropes (swamps, old highways, cans of beans), to PARQUET COURTS-style tedious cleverness (“Concealed Weepin’” can fuck right off!), to outright crimes against language (“I know you’re wetter than a drowning fish / So I’m coming right over just to eat your dish”). And while I can hear the comparison points mentioned above (except for NEU! and SWELL MAPS…seriously, what!?), I was also reminded of a bevy of much lamer bands: SOCIAL DISTORTION, FLAMING LIPS, BECK, or WEEN. I even caught a whiff of SUBLIME on the album opener! Which is not to say they’re trying to sound like these bands or even that it’s bad to. Look, I know I’m going against the tide on this one. But my honest opinion is that this shit is a mix of just fine and decidedly not for me…and also that some of y’all need to calm down.