
Wild City Alchemist Junkyard LP
You know the phenomenon in nature where an animal uses bright coloration or other means to advertise that it’s best not to fuck with them—think a poison dart frog or blue-ringed octopus? I had to look it up; it’s apparently called aposematism. But, in retrospect, it’s something I should have kept in mind as I picked up this LP. Its garish sleeve, the awful album title, the generic-ass band name, its unironic billing as a “rock’n’roll” record, the fact that the band has been around since 2018 and this is the first I’m hearing of them—it all screamed, “Dude, don’t, it’s gonna be a bad time!” Yet, I heeded none of these warnings. Instead, I focused on the fact that the act was out of Melbourne, a city which has given the world countless incredible bands, and just assumed it was all going to be fine. And initially it was. The first couple of tracks maybe feature some not great lyrics, but they otherwise kind of sound like the BLACK LIPS at their GUN CLUB-iest, which is cool enough. But then there’s “Silver to Gold,” which is more of a hard-rockin’ number, something like a blander take on what GOLDEN PELICANS were doing a decade ago, with lyrics that sort of invert the themes of the Girl Scouts’ “Make New Friends” via one of the clunkiest hooks I’ve ever heard (seriously, you’ll have to go listen to it because it’s too wordy to write out here!). But as bad as all that is, it’s not what sinks this record for me. At about two-and-a-half minutes into the song, the band slows things down to a crawl, and the singer says “Alright motherfuckers, let’s turn this shit up!,” then bites his lower lip (I assume!) while the band launches into an instrumental breakdown that’s so farty that it sounds tailor-made to score a Toyota Tundra commercial circa 2005. It’s maybe one of the worst moments I’ve had to sit through in all my time reviewing records for MRR. To be honest, the rest of the record wasn’t terrible…at least from what I can remember. But it’s all a blur after the sting of track three. It might have sounded like a bar band covering the SCIENTISTS’ “Blood Red River.” I don’t know. I should have known to stay away!