Five songs of wacky, drum-machine-driven, synth-heavy post-punk from Berlin. At least I think it’s a drum machine. Unlabeled black cassette comes in a blank black O-card sleeve with a tiny sticker of the album art in one corner. Clearly, some research is necessary to figure out what we’ve got here. Hmm, the internet is absolutely no help, the band’s bare-bones Bandcamp is all that can be found, which makes it hard to even tell if their band name is spelled MÜLLHEIM or MÜELLHEIM. But wait, there is a booklet that comes with the cassette! Excitedly I dive in, hoping to unearth some sort of information. To my dismay, it is a fourteen-page mini-zine of scattered, stamped letter-art and no info whatsoever. It does look really cool though, and my intrigue is growing as I flip the tape for a third time. But wait, what’s this at the bottom of my box of cassettes to review? Three beer bottle labels peeled off of different German pilsners? Eureka! Handwritten letters from the band to Maximum Rocknroll!
Label 1: “Hello, we are MÜLLHEIM. Berlin-based synth-punk from Berlin, Germany.”
Label 2: “Info: founded 2020. Band: Patient 1—Voc/Git. Patient 2—Bass/Synth. Patient 3—Drums.”
Label 3: “Thank you very much—MÜLLHEIM”
Finally, some information! I learned that…..well, I learned that it’s an actual drummer? Wait, what if Patient 3 is a drum machine?! Hmm, I guess I learned nothing except that MÜLLHEIM is absolutely incredible! I listened to the tape over and over while continuing to come up empty handed. Mysterious Guy Hardcore is dead, all hail Mysterious German Synth Punk!